Balance

Life is fucking crazy. The last two months have been a complete whirlwind for me. Since the first week of June, balance or any semblance of a routine is something my life has been completely devoid of. I’ve hardly blogged, my sleep schedule has been erratic, my workouts have been random and my diet has seesawed. Extensive summer travels, weddings, birthdays, work, time off and numerous other circumstances have all contributed to me feeling like, somehow over the past two months, I have sort of lost my way.

I’m someone who always has a plan and goals I’m working towards to better myself and my circumstances. When I find myself forgetting my goals or not having any at all, I feel purposeless. I have a hard time just floating along. I spent the first half of this year preparing for the crazy summer expedition I just completed, and now that it’s over, I’m sitting here wondering how the hell it’s already August 14th, and how have I somehow fallen so far off track from my goals?

On June 7th, my sister flew to London for a visit and this was the beginning of what has been the better part of nine weeks of complete and utter madness for both my body and my life. Since my sister’s visit to London, I have been in two huge weddings, one in Northern California and the other in Southern California, spent a week in San Francisco, endured several of the hottest days of the year in wine country for my little sister’s bachelorette weekend, returned to London to land a new job (starting soon), managed to injure my neck (recurring injury that flares up whenever I’m exhausted), had an insane week of birthday celebrations (despite having no plans at all to celebrate), fell sick for the better part of a week, and I had the bombshell dropped on me last week that I will likely need to move out of my home very soon and about five months premature of when I was actually planning on moving – hence something I am completely unprepared for.

I always say no regrets and I prefer to say that nothing is a mistake, but more of a lesson learned. I think the first lesson I have learned from the past two months is that regardless of the form it comes in, a distraction is still a distraction. I have goals and dreams and things I’m working towards and I cannot let things distract me to the extent that they have over the past several months. Obviously, always expect the unexpected, but learn how to somehow stay rooted regardless of distractions. I knew I would have a crazy summer, but in reality, it was far crazier than I planned it would be and honestly, there’s only so much one can plan for when embarking on a journey like the one I’ve been on for the past couple of months. If I could go back and and do it all again, I’m not really sure what I would or could have done differently.

What I can say though, is that my financial, emotional and physical well-being have paid a hefty toll for all the madness I experienced over the past couple of months. All the dinners, drinks, late nights, constant travel, different time zones and complete lack of routine to my system have made my body pretty unhappy with me and I have neglected the things I cherish the most. Now I’m finally finding myself finally coming up for air and I’m desperate for some sort of a routine and to restore some balance back into my life so I can be the strongest version of myself possible, physically and emotionally.

I’m an incredibly sensitive soul, something that generally I can manage without any problems as long as I’m getting enough rest and taking care of myself. But when I’m run down, my emotions are heightened and I’m even more sensitive than usual. The odd biting sarcastic or thoughtless comment directed at me over the past several weeks, unfortunately, has not just rolled off of my shoulders. In addition to my body feeling generally depleted of its wellness and vitality, I’ve have taken a bit of an emotional hit from all the excess and insanity of the past few months. I realised last week I’ve felt down a lot more than usual and caught myself easily welling up with tears over things that wouldn’t normally affect me much at all. This is a clear message from my body and my mind that I have lost my balance.

It is no surprise to me that when I returned to London after my crazy trip I slept for about three days, in 12-15 hour spurts. This was immediately followed by my old recurring neck injury flaring up on my first day back at work so I couldn’t even turn my head in any direction at all (Honestly, the most socially awkward injury. It literally flares up every six months like clock work). This was combined with a really intense week of birthday celebrations, none of which were planned but all were amazing and insanely crazy. Of course I then fell sick, complete with shivers, sore throat and a fever (despite 33C temperatures in London).

Now I am completely determined to restore some balance back into my life. I need to get my energy levels back up, resume my regular workout and yoga routine, focus on my diet and make sure I don’t miss anymore meditations or blogs. These are all my anchors that keep me grounded and stable on the wild ride of life. I cannot let life’s distractions take me so far off course that I forget my anchors again. I really am lost without them.

So, in this crazy world with so many things beyond and out of our control, I am going to strive to control the things I know I still can – my diet, my sleep, and my exercise. Before my trip, I completed forty days of yoga, which was nourishing to my body, mind and soul, and I felt great when it was all said and done. I was excited and ready to embark on my trip with high levels of energy and enthusiasm. Now I am run down. I feel bloated, irritable and drained of my normal energy.

If there is one thing that will always be brutally honest with you and that you should never ignore, it is your body. Over the past several weeks my body has given me several signs that I need to slow down and listen to it. In my yoga training, I learned how incredibly important it is to always listen to what your body is telling you. “Illness equals stillness” was repeated to us over and over during our intensive month of teacher training when so many of us flared up with injuries or fell sick. I didn’t really think about it at the time, but it’s pretty clear what that means. When your body gets sick, it is literally making you stop. You need to rest and take care of it. My body has been screaming this out to me and I have decided to start listening.

So, from this week, my socialising will be reduced to absolute minimal amounts. I’ve had more than enough parties and going out these past few months. Yesterday, Monday 13 August, I started a thirty day nutritional cleanse to start to restore my system back to optimum health and strength. This will involve weekly fasting (something I normally do anyway), lots of vitamins, lots of yoga, running and I think I might actually venture into the gym and use some weights to mix things up (maybe). And I will of course be blogging about my progress to maximise my accountability and hopefully I’ll have some awesome results to share along the way…

Quote from @zurahealth

So, thank you for all the champagne, love, hugs, parties and incredible experiences over the past couple of months. I am grateful beyond words. Now it’s time for me to re-set and recognise that I should probably plan my next long crazy expedition a bit differently to allow for more healthy downtime and me time in the midst of the madness. Going forward, I am making myself my number one priority. If I need to turn off my phone and go to sleep, that’s exactly what I am going to do. Please don’t be offended when I say no to meeting up with you, I promise it’s not personal. I just have a prior engagement with myself